Tag Archives: family

Being Vulnerable.

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I have been maintaining this blog since 2007, and the last time that I wrote about vulnerability was in 2010. Yet, even in rereading that post from long ago, I see all of the areas in which I have continued to expand and learn about vulnerability. In the past, I have always used the words, such as openness, honesty and availability, but not really lived them fully. At the first sign of difficulty or struggle, I would shut off, just like a light switch, or run and hide. I am not certain of the origin of this way to cope, and it doesn’t really matter. But over time, it was no longer even immediately effective and in the long run, did damage to myself and to others.

I am in no way condemning my learning around vulnerability; I am so grateful for every single way in which I have been receiving the lessons around it. And, I love being able to look back at the progress I have made to encourage me to keep opening, bit by bit.

Today, I stand in Life more vulnerable than ever before. I say things that are difficult but necessary; I show up as my authentic self, in all areas of Life most of the time. Yet, I still get scared sometimes. Scared to be rejected, scared to look weird or different, scared to not know what may happen.

Yet, I know that is all part of it. Every thing that happens that feels like pain, or hurt, helps me to learn and to grow. And, reminds me of the fleeting nature of Life, and how being grateful for all that Life brings is what helps me to sustain and to keep my heart open. When I feel pain inside of myself, I do my best to just allow it to be there, without having to blame someone or something for it, or telling the story in my head and to others over and over again. Just let it be, and it passes.

Of course, I will continue to learn what vulnerability really means the more days that I am here. And I look forward to every lesson.

Be Here Now, in Gratitude.

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I have just returned from a two week journey that took me a total of more than 3,000 miles. Once again, I feel transformed and ready for the next chapter of life that awaits me.

I call it a journey, because I set an intention when I was planning it. Although I did not spend much time planning what my detailed itinerary would be, or my activities during the trip, I had a deep knowing that the trip itself would be cathartic and clarifying. I had no burdens to process, yet I knew that my next stage of learning awaited. Even with plans and visits with loved ones, there was more space than activity throughout.

My learnings include the continued need to surrender, and trust, that all will be as intended; to allow all of those around me to Be, just as they are; and to appreciate any and all life experiences that come my way. In a few words, it was a constant reminder to Be Here Now, and to do so in Gratitude.

To me, presence is the key to my experiencing joy and peace. To remind myself, throughout my day, that all that is true is Now, I can allow the background of life to fade away and remember what is real, as well as revisiting the deep, abiding peace that is always available to me. Gratitude seems to go hand in hand with presence for me, because when I am right here, right now, I feel a deep, vast appreciation for all that is around me and within me. Gratitude stops feeling like “something to be grateful for”, like a daily list, and more of appreciation for all.

This does not mean that noting what we are grateful for is not worth doing. I have done that for years. However, what works best for me now, as I deepen my practice of Being, is to remember that all that I experience deserves my appreciation. Because even when a circumstance is difficult to manage, the learning which comes from it for me is priceless and will stay with me always, in all ways.

I understand that even though my stories are interesting, and help me to refer to a tapestry that I call my life, I now seek more often, the beauty of the Now, and all that it brings.

That is enough.

Hugs Heal.

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I have embarked on my Summer of Love 2023 journey, driving to points south to visit family, have adventures, and get in touch with what love really means. This week, I am in Lexington, Kentucky, with the human that I raised. We started off our visit with Lexington Pride Festival this past weekend. And the love was everywhere.

I have been offering free hugs for eight years now, in my home city of Scranton, and in locations all over the east coast. My first impulse to offer free hugs to others came from a desire to offer myself to the world, for those that needed it. I believed that I played a critical role in helping others feel loved and cared for. And, that still lives in me. Yet, I have expanded in my way of looking at hugs, and now, want it to not be something that I give to people, but more of a shared, human experience. Not so much about me, but about what we experience together in that hug.

At Lexington Pride, I held my hugs sign, and shared dozens of hugs with those in attendance. People of all ages, genders, and cultural experiences crossed arms with me. It was more beautiful than I could have ever imagined, and more genuine than I have ever exchanged with others. And, I know that is because my heart is fully open, ready to offer and receive from and with those people that I encounter. It is not about what I am doing for them, but what we do for each other, in those few seconds of close contact.

I see you, and I feel seen. And, in those moments that we share together, I deeply know how much it is that hugs do heal. Heal what in us feels broken and needing kind, gentle attention. And, it confirms for me what Love really means: to be at one with ourselves, and others, just as we all are.

The Truth of Now.

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I MISS HUGS. It’s true. I understand social distancing. I cover my nose and mouth when I go out in public. I am working exclusively from home. I have not travelled in two months or more. I canceled my True Vision 2020 Hug Bug Tour. And, I have not hugged anyone, but my wife and my cats, for weeks.  It hurts deeply.

 

Fearing but Craving Connection

 

I understand, appreciate, respect and honor the concerns and the uncertainty. And, at first, when all of this started to impact my life circumstance, I didn’t cancel any plans. I believed that in a few weeks, life as I know it would return to its usual routine, its “normal” if you will. I wasn’t sure what the truth was; I’m still not sure what the truth about the virus itself is. But I am playing by the rules, and I don’t want to get sick, or be responsible for others getting sick, either. I want to do my part.

 

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Then, a couple of weeks ago, I started to get depressed. I started to wonder, what will happen to hugs in our world? To touch? I believe in hugs and touch more than anything, as being a source of connection, healing, and Universal Oneness. I felt scared that it may be possible that human beings will avoid touching one another. That out of fear of death, which is a completely natural phenomenon as a human, we will disconnect from one another in ways that we may not have ever imagined. I believe that those fears and worries about the future created hopelessness in me more than I have felt in these few weeks of strangeness.

 

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However, this week for me, the sun came out again. Not because the projections are any more favorable about touch. Not because there is an imminent time that distancing will be lifted and that I will be free to resume life as I have known it. But because I remembered, thank goodness, what the Real Truth is for me. The only Truth, to be honest. And, that is the Truth of Now. Now, it is all there Is. It is the only Truth. The past is a memory trace; the future has not even happened yet. So whether it is hope for a better future, or despair at a projected one, I only cause suffering for myself when I dwell there, or reflect on times that have gone by that no longer exist. Being Here Now is my only saving grace, my only respite from the weariness of what is the current form of Life.

 

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So, I breathe. I come back to Now, again and again and again. When I feel bored, scared, overwhelmed, angry, or hopeless. It is the path that will always lead me back to myself. Back to Peace and Love and Universality.

And, I plan to meet you all in that space again one day.

 

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89 Days.

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I love that each day it seems, I get to more fully awaken to myself and who I really Am. Beyond my career, beyond my relationships,  beyond anything that is defined by my physical form, I am realizing the power of that. The magic of that.
In 88 days, I will embark on the biggest adventure of my life, driving across the United States, hugging people, talking to them, connecting, sharing and opening my heart. On the surface, that could sound like any previous adventure that I have had through free hugs, and through shining my light in the world in my own way. Yet, this phase of the learning, this new chapter, is different than any other one I have experienced so far.
It isn’t about the magnitude of the trip; although, it is in reality, the biggest and boldest tour that I have ever intended. It isn’t about where it is that we are going. It isn’t even about doing it with my son. It is about lessons that are so much bigger than even that, so big that I am almost astounded at how at ease I am with embracing them.
The first lesson that this trip is about for me is otherness. The focus of this trip is less about me, and what I bring to the world, but mainly about what others in every corner of the world are doing to help spread a message of love and peace. I am so honored and excited to hear their stories, hug their bodies, and be in presence with them and all that they bring to the world, bring to Life.  To connect deeply with other humans satisfies my own craving for community.
The second big lesson is about being Present. For the last three tours, I have gotten dozens of opportunities each time to be in the moment, even when every fiber of my Being wanted to resist that. I wanted to anticipate, control, or predict what would happen and with whom. However, the bigger goal has always been, now more than ever, to not miss any aspect of how Life is unfolding for me. That may not always be what I anticipate, but it is always valuable and worth the experience.
However, the biggest and most profound lesson for me as I prepare for and anticipate this journey, is the brilliant lesson of letting go, surrender, and trust. I have not, for much of my life, trusted that all would be well, without me having a hand in it. Whether one calls that faith, or trust, or belief, I always wanted to see the proof to know that all would be well. And, of course, that was always a disappointment, because things never turn out exactly as we may anticipate, or wish for in our minds. Yet, I would plot and plan what I desired as an outcome, and then not only be disappointed, but also, not appreciate the beauty of how things unfolded.
I now trust that all is well, no matter what happens. I still get scared sometimes, yet I know that this trip is a symbol of my declaration of Trust, of Faith, of Believing and therefore, Seeing. I have sketched out an idea of what will happen, and then Let it Go. And, the most magical occurrences have come my way as a result. Because I loosened my grip and realized the fleeting nature of EVERYTHING. And, that I don’t need to see evidence in the physical world to prove to me that all is Well.
I can just Believe it is So.