I have been maintaining this blog since 2007, and the last time that I wrote about vulnerability was in 2010. Yet, even in rereading that post from long ago, I see all of the areas in which I have continued to expand and learn about vulnerability. In the past, I have always used the words, such as openness, honesty and availability, but not really lived them fully. At the first sign of difficulty or struggle, I would shut off, just like a light switch, or run and hide. I am not certain of the origin of this way to cope, and it doesn’t really matter. But over time, it was no longer even immediately effective and in the long run, did damage to myself and to others.

I am in no way condemning my learning around vulnerability; I am so grateful for every single way in which I have been receiving the lessons around it. And, I love being able to look back at the progress I have made to encourage me to keep opening, bit by bit.

Today, I stand in Life more vulnerable than ever before. I say things that are difficult but necessary; I show up as my authentic self, in all areas of Life most of the time. Yet, I still get scared sometimes. Scared to be rejected, scared to look weird or different, scared to not know what may happen.

Yet, I know that is all part of it. Every thing that happens that feels like pain, or hurt, helps me to learn and to grow. And, reminds me of the fleeting nature of Life, and how being grateful for all that Life brings is what helps me to sustain and to keep my heart open. When I feel pain inside of myself, I do my best to just allow it to be there, without having to blame someone or something for it, or telling the story in my head and to others over and over again. Just let it be, and it passes.

Of course, I will continue to learn what vulnerability really means the more days that I am here. And I look forward to every lesson.