I believe that I am a peaceful person. One who seeks the solitude of my own thoughts, the quiet, and likes to seek answers and open my heart more and more. I like to avoid conflict, or at least, seek to resolve it if possible. I like to embrace others and let go of judgments.
However, there are times and situations in my life when I have actively been NOT choosing peace; but rather instead, making the choice to stay in the midst of chaos, caretaking and controlling. That is not a peaceful way to live.
One of the discoveries that I have made most recently, in the last few months, is that I actively choose the chaos and drama over peace, but act like it isn’t bothering me within. Act like I am peaceful, when inside, I feel like a bundle of nervous energy. My stomach is in knots and I feel conflicted about how to handle a situation.
When there is conflict in my life, or potential conflict in my life, I avoid dealing with it. I postpone the dealing, or ignore it altogether. As a result, it becomes more and more difficult to draw a firm boundary, and to resolve what needs to be taken care of.
Although I have painted to myself that my lack of peace has to do with what others will, or won’t do, to help me to acquire that peaceful feeling, it really has nothing to do with anyone else.
It has EVERYTHING to do with me. I am the one saying NO to peace. I am the one that won’t forgive myself, let myself off the hook. And then, make it look really logical by blaming the other person.
In my Sacred Path cards today, I drew the Pipe card, representing the seeking of Inner Peace. I have had this theme running through my life as a persistent lesson for the last week, and drawing this card today just sealed the deal.
Am I ready to say YES to peace?
To say yes to peace, it means that it is not just the “absence of war; it is a way of acting, knowing, creating, listening, speaking, and/or living. This peace is the balance of recognizing and honoring male/female, teaching/learning, humility/pride, and every other aspect of living in harmony.
So, peace, is simply, BALANCE.
I am ready to say YES to balance in my life. By honoring the parts of my self that are prideful, controlling and blaming, I can then choose an alternate, such as humility, letting go and loving others. And myself. For me, peace lies in the forgiving of myself, and the acknowledgment of my power and strength.
So, today, and everyday, I am making it a point to acknowledge how I have chosen the conflicts that have occurred, and now, am choosing peace.